friday, 09 April 2010.

i suck making titles, i wish i could just write blog 1, blog 2, blog 3.. but anyways,
it's 12.15 am,and it feels like i have been awake since yesterday (since now it's already saturday). I should've been under my warm cozy blanket right now, but because i took 3 hrs of afternoon nap, jdi belom ngntuk, blaah. this first week back from the holidays has been very very tiring. cause i have to reset the time i wake up every morning and also time when i have to sleep which is like so early; around 10-11 --" on school days, i wake up at.... 6.10 while on the holidays i wake up around 10-12 . .

so i have to adapt to it quickly, i guess.. but what's really bothering me is that i suck at everything that involves with sleeping and staying awake. i struggle to stay awake for one full day; i have to feel sleepy in certain times, like in classes. i can't stay awake like almost of my friends can even though i sleep like 3 hours earlier than them. When i'm sleepy i force myself to open my eyes, but i couldn't stay focus and hear to what the teacher say. In the end of the each class, i come out with an empty mind. You know there are times that we can't talk for the whole period (like exams, tests, or mr. Joel's class discussion about mockingbird)it would be the hardest for me because i won't do anything except to sit quietly like a statue.
when it comes to tests, i'll go blank thinking that the questions are ridiculous cause i haven't even heard anything about it, but actually i should have heard it, cause the teacher discussed it but i was sleepy and busy trying to wake my self up. sigh.

anyways, what happened again today was that my mom's self esteem got a little bit too high, she expects everyone to respect her, i understand that she's older and everything. but sometimes i just can't stand the way she talks to my maids, drivers and even when i tell stories about my friends. she underestimate people too quickly (without realizing). having negative thoughts about them even without knowing the person first. i got pissed and i told her to think about what she wants to say. Actually i was in a good mood to go swim with her in the evening, but cause she's so annoying, i took my 3 hrs nap.idc. I love her, and I know i wouldn't have any better mom than her, but sometimes i just hate her for being really mean and straightforward to other people; it's like she doesn't have a heart to feel what if she's in their shoes receiving all the comments.